A Good One of Those Days

It is amazing how sometimes depression can set in and stay with you. And then as fast as it set in, it disappears. I would hate for it to linger for days and days with no relief. I feel sorry for those who have been clinically diagnosed with it. For me, when it does hit, it usually chooses to visit fleetingly and for only a day or two. I'm not sure what brings it on. Something on the bad side happening, a rainy day or many, or a "chemical imbalance". Who knows. I just know I hate it and I rejoice when it goes away. My brain needs a welcome mat that says, "Go Away." There is usually a lot of prayers to God to just be there while I pout. But things are good now. While the stresses of life will always be here, they are ever changing. Plus, there is always tomorrow. Well, a few days ago it became tomorrow and everything, while not perfect, is fine within my soul.

I spent the afternoon and evening working on my blog. While I did love the look that I had, I felt the dark color was depressing. So I picked something I believed to be a little more uplifting. I hope you agree. I still may try and tweak it a little more, or I may change it all together. I just hope visitors will approve.

Yesterday I got the idea for a new book. I wrote almost one thousand words. Pretty impressive for a day's work. My youngest daughter, she is eight, even contributed with coming up with character names. She is pretty good. I've already decided to use some of them. But this is not good for the second book of Chasing Dragons. I should really concentrate on it first. But what do you do when new characters pound at your door. You write so they will be quiet.

So know when you have a bad day, there is tomorrow. There is always tomorrow and there are always your friends to listen to you, and there is always God to help you through. You may not always believe He is there, but I think if you do and give him a prayer, you will find you don't feel so alone during these times.

My book is doing only so, so. I also spent some time trying to figure out how to get people to notice it more. Still not sure how to do that. I am ready to get out of the KDP select so I can rejoin B&N. Who knows, I may go back and retry the KDP select later.

Just One of Those Days

I'm feeling lazy. Not really lazy, but sort of depressed. During most of the day, I could feel it slowly seep over me, sort of like that of quicksand you see on television. Not really sure how slow quicksand takes to suck you in. But that is how I have felt today. My eldest daughter asked me earlier what was wrong. I replied "I'm just tired." And I am.

Here is my list:
* waking at 4am, bed between 9 and 10pm, six days a week to go to work
* fixing dinner every night, lunch on weekends, lunch for school. Can nobody tell me what they want
   instead of me having to come up with another idea to eat? And don't get me started on the "I don't like
   that." Fine, fix yourself some Ramon Noodles then. That wasn't hateful, was it?
* raising my voice to kids who are too loud and won't listen. I get tired of saying, "Not so loud, your dad is
   asleep."
* trying to find an agent
* being rejected by above agent
* training for my new job that is mine when I'm trained
* worrying:
       money
       not spending quality time with family
       other stuff
* not getting my house in tip top shape because I'm too busy writing or searching for an agent, or other stuff
* my job. Fact is, my hours were reduced from a 36 hour work week to a 30 hour work week so they could bring in someone cheaper to do the extra. Legal?
        My union made it possible without explaining the consequences in our contract. I sometimes wonder if
        somebody got a big payout.
* not being a good friend. I would make a great hermit. This is not very nice for friends who love
   and have only the best wishes for me. Or the ones who may need me.

 There are so many things to be tired about. The one that tops my list though, is that I am not being the good Christian I am supposed to be. With all these tired complaints, it leaves a huge gap for ill feelings to wander into my attitude. And when that happens, how in the world are people expected to see that my love for God is so great.
 I knew I needed him today. I spent a lot of time on the computer searching Christian videos. I found one I really like. You can see it on my last page of this blog. Just scroll up and it can't be missed.

 There is never a night that I don't go to bed without praying to Him. There have been many nights, I am so tired, that by the time I go to my bed, I fall asleep before my prayer is done. I believe He understands. At least I hope so. I often ask He remembers that I am human. And as human, as much as I try, I am not perfect, though I wish I was. It would save me from the grief of knowing I let Him down. I am glad He gave us a way to fix that. A simple I am sorry and forgive me. Sometimes it seems too simple. How can He forgive me?
 I tend to dredge up old sins. I try and reason out why a certain path was taken when I know it was wrong. There are good things that came out of that path. But I look around and wonder, what if I had been a good girl. Some would say this is the devil trying to pull me down. Seriously, like I need help. I hate to give him so much credit.
 You can tell by my rambling that my depressed state has settled over me. I hope you all recognize a little of me in you. Not that I want you to be miserable with me, but to know that we are all alike in some way. So when you look at the person next to you, realize there are days we all reach the bottom and think we can't do it anymore. Somehow we do though. It is amazing that we dig deep into ourselves and force that last bit of effort into action. It must be a self save mechanism God planted in us. How else could we do it.

 Thanks for "listening".  Tomorrow will be better.

KDP Select Update

Thanks to all who participated in the fee promotion on Wed. 2/15/12. I have gone into more detail on my news page at my official website. I have finished chapter seven. Cough, last week. Have been on vacation from my post office job and thought I would have more time to work on the book. Not necessarily. I spent one day looking for an agent again. So far, not promising. But that is okay. Even though that is the only way to get my book in the brick and mortar stores, I may have to rely on Amazon and B&N. Of course, B&N will have to wait til my KDP Select time is up. But until then, this endeavor has actually been a good thing. The rest of my vacation has been spent with kids and cleaning out my coupons. Wow, have I got behind. There is a reason to stay on top of things. There is nothing else to really write home about; my vacation has been rather quiet, which that is a nice thing. It is good to slow down and relax, letting the world slip by with not a worry on your mind. You should try it.

Blank Page

I sit here at my computer, staring obsessively, wanting to see words fill on the blank page. But it doesn't happen. How easy writing comes to some. There are days it does for me, and then there are the days I may write a few words, a chapter or only one page. Images fill my mind, conversations take place. And yet somehow these moments don't make it past my fingertips. Very frustrating. But have no fear. The story will find its way out. Still working on chapter five.

Why can the people not believe?

I read in the newspaper this morning that the number of people who don't believe in God or religion is growing. Not that they are atheist but that they just don't care. I'm saddened by this. I'm not sure if it is because they don't believe or the fact that they don't care and don't worry about it. To them, things are just as they are and God has no purpose for them. How sad. Does an unbeliever not look around them in wonder? Or cast an eye to the sky in awe? Shiver at the power behind a drop of water? How can a person look at each individual, whether it be human, animal, or nature and not see how different and complex we all are and that chance does not create this. To think that it is only by chance that the earth and each planet, spins in their own spot, never wavering from where they are suppose to be and that the sun does not extinguish and send us and our entire solar system into a dark, cold existence, is a belief I do not want to hold dear into my heart. God is in control. Why is it so hard for others to not let go and hand the reins of their life over to him? Will they faint on the spot that there is one greater than we can ever truly fathom? I tell you this. They will one day. It is said every knee will bow. Believing in God will not change who they are inside. That person will still be that person. We still live and we will still die. I have seen others change for much worse ideals or actions. It may change, to some point, what they do in life or how they react. But they will still be who they are. Would that be so bad? How wonderful to have someone more powerful than us help us through our day. How more wonderful to know that, in the end, we will see him. I would rather God was with me than against me. So if the percentage of the unbelievers are gaining, reducing the numbers of us praising God, at least, the tiniest pebble will.

Luke 19:

³⁷ Then, as He was now drawing near the descent of the Mount of Olives, the whole multitude of the disciples began to rejoice and praise God with a loud voice for all the mighty works they had seen, ³⁸saying: 


      “‘Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the LORD!’^[d]
      Peace in heaven and glory in the highest!” 

³⁹ And some of the Pharisees called to Him from the crowd, “Teacher, rebuke Your disciples.” 
⁴⁰ But He answered and said to them, “I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out.”

All new: barbaragarquharsonscott.com

I have a new website to go along with my blog. Check it out and let me know what your think. Click on this link: barbarafarquharsonscott.com There is also a page with free dragon games. Emily loves that page. She is always asking to get on my new site to play. Makes me glad I added that page.

KDP Select

Just joined KDP Select program on Amazon. So for the next 90 days, you will be unable to buy the ebook for your nook from B&N since the KDP Select program does not allow other outlets to sell the ebook. Sorry for those with nooks, but Chasing Dragons has not sold well there. This is a platform that I am hoping will jump start Chasing Dragons and get it known to more people. There are so many books it is easy to get lost in the sea. This is a 90 day experiment with the option to renew. Amazon will allow me the option to offer my book for free to readers for up to 5 days every 90 days. Hopefully all this to people who may normally not have heard about it. I will keep you posted with my experiment. If all goes well, I will open the B&N back up and then maybe later in the year rejoin KDP Select. Who knows, I may stay in. Then again, I may not need to. I am to use the word once more; Hopeful!!!